Bella refused to leave the house for a couple of days, mainly because she didn’t want to go to the compound and face the family again. Even though Kol insisted that they hadn’t meant it the way that she understood it, she didn’t want to go because Myriam wanted her to be checked out by Freya to see if she was under the influence of some magic spell making her act out of character.
Bella wasn’t spelled. She figured that she would be natural cleansing of spells seeing as she could cleanse them of others, and had been immune to Dahlia, so she knew she wasn’t spelled. But something was wrong, alright. She was throwing up a bit more often and everything hurt, she was sick and blamed Australia for it.
There was, of course, another option. One that she didn’t want to think about but had to consider. Gods were fickle and this one God was mischievous. “Hey, Kol?” She carefully got his attention; he wasn’t in one of the best moods lately, likely because of her, and she felt guilty about it.
“Could you go to the pharmacy for me and pick something up?”
Kol looked up, meeting her hopeful gaze. “Are you in pain?”
“No,” she snorted. “Uncomfortable, but…” Bella sighed as she got up and made her way over to him. “Things aren’t adding up. Well, they are, and I want to rule this possibility out because there’s no way that we’ve asked for this.”
“What are you talking about, darling?” He asked as he put down his blood bag and pulled her into his arms. “Freya could-”
“I am not spelled, Kol,” she punched his arm. “And I’m tired of hearing her name. I want to rule out something else that could have like a major impact on our lives because Gods can’t be trusted.”
“I told you about his reward for me, and how he’d only act when we asked him to.”
“I sure hope not!” Bella laughed. “Go to the pharmacy and get me a pregnancy test? Please?”
Kol paled at that question. “What? You want me to go? Why can’t you go? And don’t be ridiculous, all we need is Freya-”
“Don’t!” She put her hand over his mouth and glared at him. “We’re going to figure this out, the non-magical way. I’ll go to a human doctor if the pregnancy test is negative and it better be or else I’m going to kick some God’s ass.”
“Go get it yourself. I’m not going to buy you a pregnancy test. No way.”
“Buy me three, just to be sure.”
“Bella, you’re not pregnant. If you were, I would have picked up on an extra heartbeat by now,” he assured her, kissing her on her forehead. “Whatever is going on, I’m sure it has a reasonable explanation.”
“Please humor me?”
“Get it yourself,” he repeated. “I’m a thousand year old vampire and I draw the line at buying you pads for when you’re having your period. There’s no way in hell that you’re pregnant, it’s not possible.”
Bella thought for a moment. “If we are, you get to punch a God in the face for breaking a deal?”
Kol sighed deeply as he tossed his almost empty blood bag in the trashcan. “I’ll be back, but you better make it up to me!”
“We can have sex?”
“Deal!” Kol said as he almost ran out of the apartment. Part of him wanted to go outside of New Orleans, where nobody knew him, another part of him wanted to be home again, fast, mainly so that he could have his way with Bella; it had been some time since they had some fun, ever since she figured she didn’t look pretty anymore. But she didn’t look pretty, no, she was absolutely beautiful and he hated it that she had such a low self esteem again.
He had been beating himself up about it, replaying their trip in his mind to see where things might have gone wrong, and he couldn’t find a specific point in time, because she was always beautiful to him, no matter how she looked. Granted, he liked her best without her clothes on. But that was just how he was.
Kol decided to take his chances with the one closest to them; nobody expected a Mikaelson inside a pharmacy as Niklaus would usually compel someone to get things for him, but a pharmacy? They were never sick! Kol could pick up Bella’s pads while doing groceries, which was normal, but this? No. Absolutely not.
Oh, Kol could compel himself a willing victim to pick up what he wanted, but like Bella, he wasn’t using much of his own abilities other than to survive, and buying pregnancy tests wasn’t for survival. It was to give his girlfriend a piece of mind. He needed to do this himself.
What if Bella were pregnant?
He’d definitely punch a God after she’d call one down to answer to his accusations.
What if she were pregnant?
Sure, part of this reward would be that Bella would give birth to a tiny human, no hybrid, no god powers, an ordinary- nope, not even that. The baby would be a Mikaelson. A witch. A first born Mikaelson, powerful, like Freya. Oh bloody hell. It would be a nightmare to take care of a magical child.
Bella wasn’t ready to have a baby; she didn’t mind children, as long as they stayed well clear of her, but wouldn’t snap at them when they did approach. She simply didn’t like them.
As for him? He was an overprotective vampire with rage issues. Yeah, that was going to work well – enraging over a dirty diaper or something. Oh, he so hoped she wasn’t pregnant. With everything going on, he sure hoped she wasn’t pregnant; it would only make matters worse for the family.
“Nik, I know you’re spying on me,” he muttered after sensing his brother from somewhere behind him. “You’d better not be taking pictures and sending them to your girlfriend.”
“I see you’re in the mood for something else,” Klaus noted the condoms below the pregnancy tests. “Is this a new kink of you two? Sex with a rubber around your cock?”
Kol thought for a moment. It was best to take them as well, for future sake. Gods couldn’t be trusted. He immediately grabbed a box and nodded. “Yes, Bella wants to know what it’s like to have someone inside of her wearing a condom, well done, Nik.”
“How is the little spitfire doing? Would you like me to send Freya over or?”
“No Freya. Please, no. I offered, but I’m afraid that Bella will turn her into a rat to join our dear Aunt Dahlia in the cage,” Kol replied angrily. “At this point, there’s no telling what she’d do, no, I need to get a pregnancy test.”
Curiosity peaked, Klaus took a few steps closer to his younger brother. “Also something she wishes to try out once in her life?”
“Something like that,” Kol didn’t take his eyes off of the variety of the tests. There were simple tests, merely stating whether someone was pregnant or not, there were those that would say how long, or even what the gender would be, there were those that weren’t actually pregnancy tests but more a prediction of when it was best to have sex, and everything boggled his mind. Which one did he have to choose? “Help me.”
“Oh, no, this is not my area of expertise.”
“Then call Myriam.”
“Brother, she’s a vampire, she wouldn’t know… although I wouldn’t be surprised if she had a bunch of them at her brothel for her girls, just in case.”
Kol fought the urge to punch his brother in the aisle and draw more attention to them. “Then for fuck’s sake, call Cami.”
Klaus dialled his therapist’s number and put her on speaker. “Hello Camille.”
“Klaus, what can I do for you?”
“Kol is wondering what’s the best pregnancy test he could buy his girlfriend.”
“A what now? He’s a vampire, he doesn’t need a pregnancy test unless Bella’s been unfaithful to him.”
“She’s not been unfaithful!” Kol growled angrily. “I would know, we’ve been together every day since our reunion!”
“Then why need a pregnancy test?”
Cami audibly sighed. “You’re wasting your money.”
Kol snatched the phone out of Klaus’ hand. “It’s my money to waste. Help me or so help me God, I will break your neck!”
“Kol,” Klaus said calmly, placing a hand on his brother’s shoulder with enough force to snap him out of his anger before nodding to the Walmart employee standing next to them, looking frightened.
“Um, can I help you find something?” the associate asked, her voice shaking from the presence of the angry male before her. Her name tag said her name was Kalypso. How pretentious.
“Don’t mind my brother, love,” Klaus said calmly. “He’s merely freaking out; his girlfriend sent him out to buy a pregnancy test and well… our mother didn’t raise us that well and we have no idea what to get. Of course, our friend on the phone isn’t helping at all, either,” he replied as he pried his phone out of Kol’s hand and disconnected the call.
She nodded, eying the upset man before focusing on the wall he’d been staring at. “We have a selection to choose from. If she’s far enough along, it wouldn’t matter which one you choose. Popular brands are First Response and Clear Blue. This one may give a positive reading earlier than the others,” she explained, handing him the pink box. “And it has a coupon for $3 off.”
“Thank you, I’ll have three of each, then. She can sort it out for herself when I can get home.”
At that, the associate couldn’t help but to laugh. “You really wouldn’t need more than one. Each kit has two or three devices to test in the box for multiple attempts. But, whichever your result, good luck! I’m sure everything will work out for you even if it was unplanned.”
“Thank you, love, you’ve been a great help,” Klaus smiled at her before handing her a 100 dollar bill. “This is for your efforts.”
She stared at the money he practically shoved in her hand. “Um, we aren’t allowed to accept tips or anything… but it’s okay. Just don’t name the baby, if it’s positive, anything stupid like Kaleb or Rebekah. My brother is an asshole dating some stuck up bitch named that way.”
Kol then punched the wall, leaving a hole in it without blinking.
“I think you might need that 100 dollars now,” Klaus said amused as he handed her another bill. “That one’s for your manager.”
The girl nodded, glancing wide eyed at the angry man before scurrying off.
“Well,” Klaus said lighthearted. “I suppose our sister’s nursing skills paid off.”
“Shut up,” Kol mumbled as he headed to the register, nearly threw the items on the counter and impatiently waited for the total.
The employee, with the name tag Breanne, looked at the guy nearly smashing her counter in half. “Honey, I do hope those are for your sister, because you two won’t need a pregnancy test, you do know that, right?”
Kol growled lowly as he handed her a 50 dollar bill, stuffed the items in his pockets and headed out, Klaus following right behind him. “I’m itching to kill something.”
“Very well,” Klaus replied casually. “You need to blow off some steam before you return to your impossible girlfriend. Let’s go and play with some wolves, shall we?”
Bella paced around as she watched all six sticks. Oh, she wanted to be sure and had used them all. If there was one thing that had lingered from sex ed classes was that these pee sticks could be unreliable and at least this way they had a good chance of getting the right answer. And she hoped it was ‘no’.
The only reason why she had told Kol about Hades’ so called reward was that she didn’t want to have secrets from him. She had also told him that she wasn’t going to collect that reward for a very long time because she liked spending time with Kol and didn’t want to share their time with a child.
Bella was well aware that all Mikaelsons would have loved to have offspring, that their vampirism was the one thing that kept them from having families of their own and that they had made peace with it. She knew that Kol would be a great father, though. He was playful and fair, caring and loving and so knowledgable. Their child would be a witch and what better way was there for it being raised by someone who knew so much about magic?
Kol would be an awesome dad.
She wouldn’t be an awesome mother. Bella never knew what to make of kids; they were messy and sticky and drooling all over the place. Germs. Loud and not to mention, destructive. Kids weren’t her thing, but she had entertained the idea to accept Hades’ reward in a couple of years, when she and Kol were together for longer, to make sure that she wouldn’t end up alone with a kid.
Oh, that would be the worst thing. Him leaving her. The family turning their backs on her and the child for not being good enough. Pretty much like they were doing now, they were afraid of her and wanted her close so they could keep an eye on her. It angered her so much; she rarely acted upon her anger, she wouldn’t even hurt a small creature, so why were they so afraid? It wasn’t as if it would be easy to contain her, she had so much power coursing through her veins and it still scared her shitless. One wrong move, one twitch, one wrong thought, and all would be lost. Gone. Poof.
What if she’d poof a child out of existence without any means of returning it?
No, Bella wasn’t pregnant, couldn’t be pregnant. Not for a very long time and if she were, she was going to kill Hades. Or at least made a valiant effort; this wasn’t part of the deal they made. Not at all.
“Bella! Come on! Let me in already!”
Kol’s voice shook her out of her thoughts and realized that she should have allowed him access after her peeing on the sticks so they could fret together. She unlocked the door and opened it.
“Well? Anything yet?” he questioned as soon as his eyes laid on her.
“No,” she sighed as she put her arms around him. “What do we do if I am, though?” Bella asked with a small voice.
“We face it like we do everything else we do. Plus, it won’t be like it won’t have any family. Everyone will want to have a hand in this, I’m sure. Have you even looked?” Kol murmured as he looked over her head to the pieces that she spread over their bed. “But before all that, we hunt down your uncle and find a way to kill him or imprison him like Nik enjoys doing with my siblings and I.”
“Oh, don’t worry, if the things show that we’re having a baby, I’m going to call for his ass to come down here and then you can punch him.”
“Start yelling,” he said as he turned her around and showed her that all six sticks had two pink lines on them.
“HADES!” Bella yelled. “Get your stupid ass down here you mother fucker!”
“Excuse you,” Hades’ voice sounded before appearing. “But I have never fucked my own mother! I do not even believe Zeus has done so either, considering his philandering ways.”
“You fucker!” Bella let go of Kol and went straight for Hades and pounded on his chest. “You absolute fucker! This was not what we agreed upon!”
“Calm down, Bella, getting angry isn’t good for the precious cargo you’re carrying,” Hades smirked and gently pat her head as she continued to hit him. “Stop it, you’re embarrassing yourself,” he said before sighing and flinging her onto the bed, landing her safely on the mattress. When he turned around, Kol planted his fist in his face. “Oh, well that hurt,” Hades said, rubbing his jaw.
“I feel much better now,” Kol said nodding before helping Bella up. “Thanks, darling, I needed that.”
Bella huffed as she narrowed her eyes on the God of the Underworld. “Explain yourself.”
“Why?” Hades shrugged. “As you know, you Earthlings have been our playthings for millennia, why stop now?”
“Dude, we’re family.”
“Dude, you’re fun to play with!” Hades grinned and casually waved the sticks away into the trashcan. “Look, I know you wanted to tell me when you guys were well and ready for this responsibility, but you wanted to live your life as human as possible, did you not?”
“I did say that…”
“And it’s shown in your actions as well, you haven’t used any of your abilities other than to rid New Orleans of the evil witch and before that, only to protect yourself against the witches here and help your family. I might not be around all the time, but I do see what you do, Bella,” Hades reminded her. “I’m always keeping an eye on you because I’m so proud of how you’re handling things. Now, humans usually don’t have a choice either, when they have unprotected sex, so… I made you guys have a little accident. You’re welcome.”
“Take it back.”
“Oh, but that’s not how it works,” he grinned. “You’re pregnant, alright, and guess what? In a little over six months you’ll be the proud parents of two healthy bouncing baby boys!”
“Okay, I want to wake up now,” Kol muttered as he rubbed Bella’s back. “This is not happening. This is what happens in your stories, not in real life, Bella, wake me up.”
Bella stared blankly at her uncle and slowly shook her head. “No. Sorry. This is like our very own The Shining movie adaptation. I should kill Damon for showing that movie to me.”
“Congratulations!” Hades smiled. “Don’t worry, they’ll be human, not freaky hybrids,” he said as he disappeared with a poof, leaving them in a sea of Cornucopia’s in all sorts of colours.
“We’re doomed,” both Kol and Bella chorused as they looked at each other.